Love appears as relationship, but begins in deep solitude. Love expresses as relating, but the source of love is not in relating. When you are absolutely happy in your aloneness – when you don’t need the other at all, when the other is not in need – then you are capable of love. If the other is your need you can only exploit, manipulate, dominate, but you cannot love.
Because you depend on the other, possessiveness arises – out of fear. “Who knows? The other is with me today; tomorrow he may not be with me. Who knows about the next moment?” Your woman may have left you, your children may have grown up and left, your husband can desert you. Who knows about the next moment? Out of that fear of the future you become very possessive. You create a bondage around the person you think you love.
But love cannot create a prison – and if love creates a prison, then nothing is left for hatred to do. Love brings freedom, love gives freedom. It is Non possessiveness. But that is possible only if you have known a totally different quality of love, not of need but of sharing.
Love is a sharing of overflowing joy. You are too full of joy; you cannot contain it, you have to share it. Then there is poetry and there is something tremendously beautiful that is not of this world, that is something that comes from beyond. This love cannot be learned, but obstacles can be removed.
Many times I say the art of love, but what I really mean is: Learn the art of removing all that hinders love (house cleaning). It is a negative process. It is like digging a well: You go on removing many layers of earth, stones, rocks, and then suddenly there is water. The water was always there; it was an undercurrent. Now you have removed all the barriers, the water is available. So is love: Love is the undercurrent of your being. It is already flowing, but there are many rocks, many layers of earth to be removed.
That’s what I mean when I say learn the art of love. It is really not learning love but unlearning the ways of un-love.